This deception of powerlessness is pervasive and consequential. It keeps people locked inside themselves. The rubber band of self-loathing pulls us back over and over again from taking the next right step toward our vision of life.
There is a healthy sort of self-loathing that keeps one from taking life too seriously. It maintains one’s humility. But it is ultimately less like loathing and more like honest assessment of our limitations. Loathing may start with this honesty.
It will start with mocking the over-confidence of someone who’s pride may have gone array (or may not have). We can start to be judgmental in this stage. Everyone else has a pride problem. Why can’t they just admit to their suffering?
Rest assured everyone suffers. Loathing longs for others to show their weakness. Not in a shared suffering sort of way, but in a proud “I know you are weak” sort of way. Loathing wants others to fail, to suffer, to miss out on things just like we do.
This sort of antagonistic loathing eventually turns on its owner. Once alone and quiet it begins its attack. What we thought was innocent sarcastic banter zeros in on us. “Who do we think we are? What have we got to show for ourselves.”